Big Picture, All I Got

By Richard Laermer, Guest Author

The salon where I get my “hair cut” in Soho has been doing a terrific job for years. But they have branched out to the point of no return and now the owners got a whole line of products he’s hawking. Whatever. But now, when I call, instead of “push 1 for reservations,” it’s push 1 for products. That pisses me off and I’m considering a new place for a hair-do. It makes me think about how businesses these days forget how fickle the purchaser is, and how every little public decision counts. A lot.

Let’s look at Folgers, the coffee company that sells Americanized caffeine powder and has over $450 million of the market. They went out and said a new softer coffee would be better for the stomach – and had the science to prove it. They called it Simply Smooth. “Made from specially selected beans that are roasted to reduce certain irritants that may affect a sensitive stomach,” was their super big release. People started going to their favorite blog and explaining in droves that it seemed suspiciously like marketing-speak and not anything that made real sense. We call that bullshit.

Then suddenly the New York Times asked Dr. Joel E. Richter about it – after seeing the online ruckus. “It’s as much mythology as anything,” Richter blabbed. “The evidence that coffee is injurious to the stomach isn’t there.” How many people are now walking past Folgers for Maxwell House, where being good to the last drop was never in question. Folgers has fibbed!

What about the iTunes/iPod/Apple/Religion? Even they make mistakes that they don’t see how easily we tune in to. This corporation just did something awesome that made me look up and say “Wow, a business is listening.” Apple announced we could finally buy entire albums from songs we had already purchased – cheaper than if we’d purchased the missing songs one by one. Brilliant. However, in micro-letters it explained how this was only for a limited time. Why? If I own the song why can’t you just let me take my time…!

Why does a cool company like Jobs’ have to be as officious as anyone else? You already have my business! We all have examples… I’m even angry at the local design company who sent an e-mail about a fire in his place (“We’re offline now,” as if I would care) and use a salutation sure to insult folks: “Dear Clients & Friends..” If I’m a vendor you need to separate me? It’s like “Screw you, you just give me money.”

This whole partitioning of Friends & Family got Starbucks into a ton of trouble last year. Remember how they sent out the e-mailed Free Iced Coffee promotion to their myriad friends-of-Starbucks (mostly associates, executives and colleagues) when they had a run of IC in the summer? Just after everyone started forwarding the darn things to everyone they knew, Starbucks called it off. On the counters they placed a black-and-white sign, “This was meant only for Friends and Family,” explaining why they weren’t honoring the coupon any longer! Most of us who saw it went wait a minute.

“Well who the fuck am I?” Hardly anyone is careful anymore and it’s un-Punk to just push the send key without thinking things through. Why do people say anything when they are smart enough to know – someone must know- it will probably get them in trouble??? Yes, Virgina. Some press is bad press. I’m Richard Laermer, CEO of RLM PR (www.RLMpr.com) and a guy who writes books.