Women Entrepreneurs: How To Deal With Sexual Advances From VCs

Over the last few months, we’ve read a number of stories of male VCs hitting on women founders. These situations typically arise when the founder is an attractive woman.

My first observation about the issue is that a beautiful, charismatic, smart woman is extremely powerful. Often, young women who fit this description, are unaware of exactly how powerful they are. As a result, they do not fully appreciate the kind of impulses they trigger when they walk into a situation with one of the following categories of male VCs on the receiving end.

Let’s examine each of these scenarios in a bit more detail.

1. The Casanova: Many powerful, rich men have a track record of misbehaving. They have a Casanova complex. They chronically want to seduce. It is instinctive. If you run into one of these fellows, and get the impression that they are more interested in you as a sexual phenomenon than in your business, you should just move on. The dynamics CANNOT be changed. Don’t waste your time trying to. Just stop following up.

2. The Wife Hunter: The industry is full of men. Many of them have very little social life outside of work. They don’t meet many women in natural course. So, if you’ve met a single guy who is looking for a wife, as this entrepreneur did, again, don’t waste your time, unless you are interested in his proposition. This dynamic, will also, not change, and he won’t consider your business seriously. His mind is elsewhere.

After hearing our business plan, he said he was interested in spending more time getting to know me. He was looking for a wife, he continued, sans segue, then proceeded to enumerate all the monetary advantages that wife would enjoy, including a $4 million apartment in San Francisco. As in many similar situations, I attempted to politely pivot the conversation in order to not bruise the ego of the man who had just proposed something akin to an 18th century marriage of convenience.

Shortly after this encounter, I began wearing a simple gold band to meetings. It might be awkward to explain, should a potential investor ask about my spouse, but the awkwardness it might deter was far greater.

3. The Chronic Extra-Marital Affair Seeker: This is also a scenario that, unfortunately, is very common. Sleazy men seeking extra-marital affairs is abundantly represented in most of society, and the venture capital industry is no exception. Again, move on, the minute you detect misaligned intent.

4. The Sexist Asshole: Well, there are those as well, it seems. I don’t meet many of these in my orbit, but they exist, according to reports. Here’s an example from a Wired story:

Shortly after Kathryn Tucker started RedRover, an app that showcases local events for kids, she pitched the idea to an angel investor at a New York tech event. But it didn’t go over well. When she finished her pitch, the investor said he didn’t invest in women.

When she asked why, he told her. “I don’t like the way women think,” he said. “They haven’t mastered linear thinking.” To prove his point, he explained that his wife could never prioritize her to-do lists properly. And then, as if he was trying to compliment her, he told Tucker she was different. “You’re more male,” he said.

Tucker didn’t need to hear any more. “I said, ‘Thanks very much,’ walked out, and never spoke to him again,” she recalled earlier this year, as part of a panel discussion on “fundraising while female” at the annual Internet Week conference in New York.

Kathryn did the right thing by walking out and never following up again. You don’t teach old dogs new tricks. Move on. He’s not worth reforming.

5. The Bored Husband in an Unhappy Marriage: For some reason, the world is full of unhappily married people. Again, the venture industry is simply a microcosm of the broader world. Try to identify quickly if somebody is humoring you with a different agenda, or is genuinely interested in your business. Non-verbal signals, body language, the use of language itself – will give you clues. Take them. At the first sign of inappropriate behavior, take the guy off your VC target list.

6. The Really Nice Single Guy: We’re human. VCs are also human. You could encounter a single guy who is very nice, very smart, and is both interested in your business, and interested in you. To complicate matters further, you are single, and you really like him. This may be the trickiest of the situations we’ve considered thus far. Do you want him as an investor? Do you want to date him? Both? What is his priority? Yikes. I can’t advise you on this one. It’s a genuine dilemma that is for the two of you to discuss and sort out. Can you do business in this situation? Possibly yes, although if the relationship doesn’t work out, you’re in a mess. If the relationship works out, it could be wonderful. You get to spend tons of time together working on something you both love to do.

7. The Really Nice Married Guy: Now, let’s complicate matters further. You encounter a really nice married VC who is both interested in your business, and interested in you. And you really like him, whether you are married or single. Actually, this isn’t that complicated. Run. Scratch him off your VC target list. You can’t do business with him. Don’t even think about taking his money.

In general, when we plan a financing round, we create a short list of target investors based on a variety of criteria that are business-specific (example: stage preference, current portfolio, domain knowledge).

As you do that, and then start meeting people, just be aware of the above seven scenarios. If you see any of these situations arise, in six out of seven cases, you need to scratch the guy from your target list.

The good news – no, the great news – is that there are plenty of awesome VCs out there who do not fit these models. They are genuinely interested in finding entrepreneurs whom they can invest in to help build great companies.

Even after you scratch a few off your target list, I am sure you will have many left who belong to that last category.

Focus on them.

And focus on plugging the holes in your own business logic.

This segment is a part in the series : Women Entrepreneurs