The Unbearable Heaviness of Being: On the Passing of Naren Gupta (Part 4)

In the Spring of 2020, as we were each trying to understand the pandemic, the six of us started doing Zoom calls regularly. In addition, we were sharing a lot of notes that each of us  unearthed. Science. Politics. History. Anthropology. We looked everywhere for clues.

Politics, in particular, was a highly contentious subject. Dominique, Vinita and I are centrists. Naren and Pierluigi are conservatives. Our ideas clashed. Especially around the caricature figure of Donald Trump, against the backdrop of post-truth America, conservatives have had a difficult case to defend. The Republican party has become a poodle on leash, led astray by an aspiring fascist.

At first, Dominique and I resisted getting drawn into political discussions. Naren wanted to discuss politics. Enrica wanted to discuss politics. Naren refused no for an answer.

I said that I didn’t want our friendship to end over this dysfunctional political nonsense. Naren wrote a most disarming email:

You are all dear friends.  And if we cannot have open conversations, however disagreeable, with dear friends, with whom would we?  I can also assure you that you cannot say or do anything to hurt my feelings  (Ok, ok – bad dinner might put me off for a few days).  Expect me to argue back.

And Sramana, you will not be removed from the email discussion on politics or any other subject however much you might protest. Sorry, you will need to deal with us. We might upset you but we will try to make up in post Covid hugs!

Donald Trump’s advent in American politics has caused us immense social complications. We’ve had dinner parties become so unpleasant and heated that guests have walked out. I imagine some of you have experienced such drama as well.

The reason I choose to share this here, today, is to highlight Naren’s openness and willingness to discuss, notwithstanding the repercussions.

And no, our friendship did not end.

In fact, it deepened.

I have always believed that friendships that can withstand conflicting perspectives are immensely valuable. However, for me, it only works if I feel comfortable sparring with an intellectual of equivalent horsepower. If I have to tip-toe around landmines of hurt feelings and defensive egoes, it doesn’t work.

I had nothing to worry about. Naren was used to Vinita challenging him all the time.

So when I came along with my sharp tongue and unbridled intellect, Naren welcomed me into his arms with passionate enthusiasm.

Naren, truly, was a connoisseur of strong, forceful women.

This segment is part 4 in the series : The Unbearable Heaviness of Being: On the Passing of Naren Gupta
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